Nothing like the first time

And this is where transparency and vulnerability meets. *Inserts deep inhale*.

I already gave you all a snippet of who I am (Check out the “Who Is She Tab for more). However in order to understand “Thee Multi Maven” you have to get to know me BEYOND the surface. Lets begin…Journal Entry #1

 I never knew what the word “Multifaceted” was until college.

Mul·ti·fac·et·ed – means having many facets. Someone or something with many features or perspectives to consider.

I remember googling it and thinking to myself, “Wow I never knew I could relate to a word so much”. When I graduated college I channeled that word into my graduation cap. My grad cap displayed one woman with eight arms juggling multiple responsibilities.

Many asked how did I get it all done however, to me it always felt “normal”. Literally as far back as I can remember I have always been a booked and busy type of girl. I had a pager at a young age, and got my first cell phone before middle school so that my parents could keep up with me and my many activities. Busy always felt good to me. If I wasn’t busy I equated that to lazy. And I was NEVER lazy. I graduated college in 2016 and as many were struggling to enter the “real world” I was struggling with finding my new busy. See I was already in the “real world”. With my mother being diagnosed with Lupus before I was born, and Cancer in 2007 I had no choice but to be pushed into the real world. I went from being the ambitious kid who was in everything, to still being the ambitious kid, but also taking care of everything at home too! Again, not being busy to me meant I was lazy so I didn’t even realize the magnitude of what I was doing. Honestly, I probably still don’t. What I did know is that I wanted to remain involved in school, sports, activities, work, take care of home, and most importantly love on my mom.

So as you can see at a young age I learned how to hold multiple facets/”hats”, and I was on a roll. It’s truly all I know! However, at some point in my life things started to change. I can’t pin point it, and I bet even if I tried it probably unknowingly started before then. What I started to experience was scrutiny for my actions while holding different titles and responsibilities. They always start off as soft critiques, but sometimes they escalate to flat out questioning of your actions.

Now at this moment I want you to pause. Think about a time where you may have experienced something like this. Maybe you done something and someone might say “I would never do that if I was you…”, “oh couldn’t be me”, and my all time favorite….. “What do you think people will think if you did…”.

Now I had you take that moment to reflect for two reasons.

1. We are on this journey together and taking moments to reflect and answer questions help with growth!
2. I think this where I may loose a few of you, so I want you to be able to understand where I am coming from.

I know that you all have heard versions of those examples before. You probably even have been one to say it…..

via GIPHY

Girl don’t be ashamed. Remember this is a safe space. I have been one to say these things as well. And I make a cautious effort daily to not be that person again. We are not perfect. We are on a journey and just working on getting better.

So let’s unpack this. I was happy moving how I was. Although looking back I restricted myself a lot without even hearing outside voices. It was my own voice afraid of critiques at some times as well. But once I started hearing those negative criticisms I let it get the best of me. I was hearing critique from me being a leader at my church and still going to the club, the clothing I wear, drinking, my love for a good conversation about sex, and more. I started to reserve myself, only showing up as my most authentic self with my loved ones, not sharing on social media as much, etc. I did so much just to quiet that outside noise but I still wasn’t happy or satisfied.

I started talking to my friends about it, unpacking it in therapy, and prayer. Then I was able to see the gag is…who creates these rules and expectations? The short answer for now is society. I was disgusted as I began challenging myself more on many topics, and opinions that I had. The root of a lot of my answers was based on society norms. I also had to learn that there are things that I will not do or agree with but can still come from a place of understanding. So I came up with a motto to help me along this new journey.

“Thee MM Keys”

1. Are you harming yourself or others?
2. Are you within your moral compass?
3. Does your action(s) make you happy?

You might add more keys to help guide you, but using this base will help you stay true to yourself, and also not get swamped by outside expectations. It took me a long time to get through this. Hell, I could have released MM years ago if I wasn’t so concerned of what others would think of me etc.

This journal entry was a lot. It was also vague in many areas too. This will be a long journey so no need to rush anything now. We will explore more things within this topic along the journey, but I wanted you to know a little bit more about my journey to MM. I am still struggling with owning “Thee MM Keys“, but they have been helping me prioritize myself. I have to trust myself that I wouldn’t do anything to compromise myself, or the many facets and responsibilities I have. I am owning everything that I am now, my happiness is a priority, and my Faith is unbreakable. If you related to this Journal entry let me know we are on this journey together.

Until Next Time,